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Friday, October 3, 2014

9 Recent Lego Releases We Could Have Lived Without

Every year Lego releases dozens and dozens of new sets and minifigures designed to inspire children's imagination and push the boundaries of what can be accomplished. 

And sometimes it has the opposite effect. Like an entire Star Wars Death Star which took me 6 weeks to build and robbed me of much of my self-esteem.

But occasionally the Lego designers escape from their  Lego-built prisons and we're left with ideas that could only have come from the Billibund janitorial staff. After a marathon glue-huffing session. Ideas that clearly inspired these:

9. Recycling Truck

The Danish clearly do not understand recycling if they think dead fish warrant separation into the green bins. But all misunderstanding aside, just who is this set designed for? Is there a child out there who really gets excited when it comes time to put his Caprisun in the recycling bin?

8. Sydney Opera House

If I were to draw a Venn diagram with Lego builders on one side and Opera lovers on the other, just how much overlap do you think we'd have? Is, um, a nonemillion a word? So there's that. Let's add to the fact that this build looks more like the Sarlacc monster from Return of the Jedi than any sort of architectural triumph.

7. The United Nations Building
Because nothing says challenging and fun like building a post-war government building dedicated to the worst examples of politics and bureaucracy ever assembled.

6. Lawn Mower

This little polybag set was kept in the little impulse aisles next to the register for the dad who wants to inspire his kid to take over the weekly summer drudgery, I guess, or for kids who live in bubbles who can only dream of complaining about having to do yard work instead of going to the pool.

5. Lego Hot Dog Stand

"Look Mommy! The hot dog stand is here! Can I get one? Can I get one? Pleeeeaaassse," said no kid, ever.

4. Lego Shop Man Mini figure

The moment most kids find out that designing Lego sets is both a thing and something people get paid to do, this quickly makes the shortlist of occupations on career day. But if all your child is aspiring to do is work at the Lego store when he gets older, then he has self-esteem issues and you should take him to a counselor. This is the equivalent of dreaming of working in a rock quarry over say becoming a geologist. Now don't get me wrong. I would love to work in the Lego store today, but I'm an adult and my dreams have been appropriately aligned/shattered. 

3. Stephanie's Soccer Practice

The title of this set is 'Stephanie's Soccer Practice." Not 'Soccer Championship' or 'The Big Game'. It's a girl, with a ball, some misshapen goal posts and a damned dog with a bow on his head. Something tells me this ragtag group of individuals are not going to be turning professional.

2. Lego Welder Minifigure
I spent the last twenty minutes trying to come up with a play scenario involving plastic bricks and a tiny welder. I failed. When I asked my son to do something interesting with this minifigure, he threw it across the room and told me to pick it up. Touche, Alex. Touche.

1. Lego Mechanic Minifigure
That's not a member of the Village People above. It's how the folks in Denmark imagine American mechanics look-- a cross between 1970's gay fashion, a Devo hat, and skinhead wear. Pray your car never breaks down in Europe.

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