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Saturday, October 18, 2014

4 People Who Were Trapped (and Made it Awesome)

As much as we'd like to think otherwise, most of us would not deal well with being trapped. Even if we were trapped somewhere awesome, like in Julianne Hough's hot tub.

Put away that hacksaw, Carey. The elevator doors will open in like five seconds.

But the following people all found themselves alone, helpless, and helplessly trapped. Did they panic? No. Did they desperately search for someone to rescue them? No. They looked around, pumped their fists in the air like Judd Nelson at the end of Breakfast Club, and screamed 'Let's get this motherfucking party started!"

4. Celine Dion
Richard Dunn became stranded in a Las Vegas airport after getting bumped from two consecutive flights. He looked around at the empty terminal and thought, you know what would make this place more bearable? Celine Dion.

With the assistance of the only other human being he could locate in the empty airport, Trevor proceeded to produce his own Celine Dion video using only his iPhone and presumably an inordinate amount of Cinnabon. The results....well, rarely are the words Celine Dion and ‘awesome’ used in the same sentence, but there's no other words here.

3. Does it count if you trap yourself?

Trevor Runyon was a man with a plan. Unfortunately, that plan involved an insane amount of whippets first. After breaking into the local grocery store and hiding until closing, Trevor went to freaking town, destroying the whipped cream section, cooking himself half a dozen steaks, steaming up some shrimp, devouring a birthday cake, then promptly pissed himself and went to sleep.

Behold the face of the most pleased mugshot ever taken.
I regret nothing.

2. Traffic Jam Party

What do you do when you're stuck in traffic? Curse at other drivers? Count the people picking their nose? Question your life choices? All of the above? You know what you probably don't do? Bust out a steel drum and a limbo stick and party like it's 1999. Which is what these people did on the Pennsylvania Turnpike no less. Want to know what fun things happen on the Pennsylvania Turnpike? Leaving Pennsylvania. That's it.

1. The Human Bench
What would you do if you were stuck with a hot chick on an elevator? Tear off your clothes and beg her to do you for Mother Russia, right? No? Do my pick-up skills need work? Never mind. This isn't about another failed sexual experience on an elevator proving once and for all that Stephen Tyler is completely full of shit. This is about a guy on an elevator with a very, very old woman.

What would you do after you'd exhausted the woman's stock of hard candies and pictures of her grandkids? How would you pass the time? Does your answer look anything like this?
I'm not even sure I want to add a story here because that picture is so awesome.

In what sounds like the start of a porno, a 23 year old mover from a company called College Hunks, gets stuck on an elevator with a woman. The man's name is Cesar Larios which does nothing to diminish the porn set-up. But this woman is elderly (which still does not rule out the possibility of weird porn), and suffering from weak legs. The poor woman needed to sit. So Cesar did what I'm sure no one else in the entire world would even think to do. He bent over and acted as a human bench. For over 30 minutes. He let an elderly woman sit on him for 30 minutes. And he looked great doing it. 

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