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Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Five Reasons That Prove Once and For All that Mr. Rogers Was Gangster

It's a debate as old as time. Was Mr. Rogers gangster? And, if so, how much? I have poured through countless archives (i.e., Wikipedia) and am happy to conclusively settle this argument once and for all. I present to you "Five Reasons That Prove Once and for all that Mr. Rogers was Gangster:"

1. He drove an Impala his entire life. You know who else drove an Impala? Ice-Cube, that's who. 

"I think I made the wrong turn for Make Believe Land."

2. He could break-dance better than Ice T in Breakin 2: The Electric Boogloo. And more importantly, he never dressed like this:
Here he is, throwing down on his show.


3. He wrote his own music and played his own instruments. If you disqualify two turntables and a microphone as legitimate instruments, that leaves only about two rappers who can hold their own to Mister Rogers. And one of those is, sadly, Flava Flav.

A second after this picture was snapped, he smashed his guitar on the stage, threw a gang sign, and shouted, "Rogers out!"

4. His 'posse' included Yo-Yo Ma and Koko the Gorilla. So yeah, he had street cred with other musicians and more muscles at his back than Vince McMahon.

Don't even think about making fun of his sweater!

5. When his beloved Impala got jacked, he put word on the street what happened and it was returned two days later with a note of apology. Not since Wayne Brady on the Dave Chapelle Show has a gangster commanded such respect.

This one's for you, Mister R!

I would've poured a 40, but Mister Rogers would not have approved.